Last I wrote about the pandemic was two months ago where I offered some tips to beat the corona anxiety. That seems like a millennium ago. Much has changed since then, and I’m myself a lot more worn out than I was then. Not pessimistic, but I have probably a few more years. At that point it was the shock of it all, and getting through the novelty of it. Now it is figuring out how to stay afloat in this long drawn battle.
What I’m offering today are observations and narratives from the dreary trenches and bunkers we all have been residing in. The mood has changed and life is still finding its way.
When the time slowed down
Our childhood may seem like it went on for decades. But the older we got, time seemed to pass more quickly. The younger days had all the excitement and energy around experiences, people and memories whereas adulthood has been exhausting, repetitive and boring. The reason? Our brain encodes new experiences into our memory but not the familiar ones. Our judgment of time is based on how many new memories we create over a certain period. Which explains why adulthood may seem to pass pretty quickly as we create few new traces of memories and usually just repeat the known patterns. Hence, going through the motions like a script without noticing time.
The past 3 months seem to be as long as the last 3 years to me. This stickiness of time is now getting to people. Our patience with others is waning. Countries seem to be losing their patience with others too. I’m painfully mindful of how much I want this time to pass. And I hope this will pass, for everything passes. I remind myself that this time is only passing really slowly because we’ve never ever passed from here before.
Mental Health Pandemic
Mental health concerns are now snow balling. We as a bunch of therapists have been talking amongst ourselves about the escalating mental health concerns in the community. We’re noticing more distress, suicidal ideation, frustration, and a spike in depression and anxiety. People were using up their adrenalin based fight and flight response for the first few weeks of the pandemic, but now there’s a crash coming on. As a therapist, I doubled my work hours in March, and by June I’m burning out. My colleagues and I are seeing a surge of queries. A lot of our clients who were doing better are now crashing. We’re all holding fort, we know this will pass, and till then we have to provide all the support needed. There are a few good organizations providing mental health support during this time like Umang and Rozan provide telephone counseling. Counselors and therapists can be looked up at directories like Counseling.pk and Marham.pk. There are lots of support forums you can find by a simple google search.
Will there ever be a cure?
It’s only a matter of time till we have a vaccine. If the time will just pass. There is a global race for a coronavirus vaccine. More than 100 labs, universities and drug companies have already started off on experimental trials of vaccines which hold promise. According to the World Health Organization, 11 candidate vaccines have reached the stage of clinical testing. The WHO says the Oxford University’s vaccine has reached what is known as Phase 3, the final and largest-scale trial. There are others in the pipeline.
People are dying
By now we all know someone who has already been infected by the corona virus. And we all know someone who has unfortunately lost a loved one. My loved ones and clients tell me that the Zoom funerals offer no closure. The rituals of a funeral probably rattle one out of denial, but at this point children struggle to catch the last glimpse of their uncle, aunt, brother or a parent over zoom sitting across borders. Death was always around, but we were never so aware of it. We create a collective denial around death that we have a lot of time but you don’t know something till you know it. If 100,000 people in Pakistan have recovered from corona virus, there must be 100,000 stories of people deeply connected with the gift of life and what it means to live. Another 100,000 who presently are infected have well-wishers, children, parents and friends praying, loving, donating and hoping. While you read this, hope and wish them well. May they all recover.
Boundary Experiences
The general way we exist is a state of ‘everydayness’. We’re caught up with all the diversions and all the things we do in our life and routine. But when the process of death or the possibility of death is experienced by someone temporarily it has the potential to be a deeply transformative experience. These kinds of “boundary experiences,” can jolt us into a state of ‘mindfulness of being’, plunging us into more authentic ways of living, helping us to re-prioritize what’s truly important to us, and enhancing the overall pleasure of living.
Ask yourself, if today one of your loved ones passed away, what sort of regrets would you have about the unlived life with them? And while they live today, how could you be with them that you gather as least regrets as possible.
The Disinhibition Effect
I’m noticing a lot of people turning on former employers and taking it public. Other social forums seem to be bubbling up with resentments. A lot of people who were contemplating getting out of bad relationships and marriages have finally pulled the plug on these. Bitchyness index is higher than the AQI in January. Countries and politicians are pushing through borders, agendas and rhetoric. There could be a multitude of factors like technology, isolation, boredom, frustration, lack of meaning, dread and fear which is compelling people to say or do things they won’t have in ordinary circumstances.
Boundary experiences could be a positive life force, but the toxic disinhibition can make humans act in reckless ways. A part of me sometimes worries that circumstances like these encourage the rise of dictatorships, fascists, profiteers, war mongers and hyper nationalists. But I tell myself, one day at a time, this too shall pass.
Zoom fatigue
It isn’t just you who has been feeling a lot more exhausted during this time. Psychologists have known for a while that virtual interactions are very taxing for our brains. They call this continuous partial attention which would be like trying to cook and read at the same time. When the brain tries to multitask it becomes overwhelmed by excess stimuli all the while struggling to make sense of what the mob is getting at.
Changeability
Having a demarcation between work and home allowed us to take different aspects of our identity to either of these places. We could be dad at home and boss at work. You will appreciate that being boss at home and dad at work might not work too well for others involved. Let alone all the identity conflict, identity confusion and frustration it is bringing out. People are reporting their moods changing throughout the day at a pace which is concerning them if this is normal.
What can keep you sane?
Eat, Pray, Love worked for a lot of people for the first few weeks of the pandemic. Now try Niebuhr’s serenity prayer:
grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardship as a pathway to peace;
Originally published on July 31, 2020 on Libas Now https://www.libasnow.com/zoom-fatigue-vindictive-behaviour-other-pandemic-problems-explained/